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September, 2008

Obama Runs Constructive Criticism Ad On McCain

In response to Republican attacks, Barack Obama unleashed a series of slightly negative ads that gently point out how McCain could be doing a better job.

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The Onion: Yankees Building Vacation Stadium In The Hamptons

The new facility will be an intimate beachfront stadium where the Yankees can go to get away from the hustle and bustle of New York City.

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McCains Economic Plan: ‘Everyone Marry A Beer Heiress’

McCain pointed to his personal success in marrying a wealthy beer heiress to prove how the plan could benefit every American.

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Obama Vows To Stop America’s Shitty Jobs From Going Overseas

In an appeal to working class voters, Barack Obama claimed his economic plan would save millions of backbreaking, mind-numbing shitty jobs.

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Disney Geneticists Debut New Child Stars

Disney claims its latest batch of child stars is so lifelike, youll barely be able to tell they have no souls.

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Support the BJ Lawson Money Bomb!

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Economists Warn Anti-Bush Product Market Close To Collapse

The sudden drop in demand for “Buck Fush” T-shirts and “Hail to the Chimp” posters could leave millions unemployed.

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Adam Kokesh Pisses in John McCain’s Cheerios Music courtesy of Aimee Allen ***Yes, I know there is a spelling mistake! It’s an inside joke!***

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Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life

After comprehending the capricious nature of fate, the Jaguars could not go through with the charade of playing a meaningless football game.

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Being A Detective Who Talks To Ghosts Not As Exciting As TV

On Today Now! paranormal detective Leonard Higgs explains that using ghosts to solve crimes actually involves a lot of paperwork.

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Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain’s Base

Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate possible.

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